Dear Pink,

I can identify with your post.  My husband, Barry, died about 6 weeks after his fall in the hospital.  He broke his hip and went downhill quickly following the surgery.  He turned 60 one month before his passing.  He was a wonderful husband, dad, grandfather, and friend.  It is very hard right now.  I try to be grateful for the 38 years we had together and remember the happy times we had - and we had a lot.  I cry when I wake up and when I go to sleep and many times during the day.  I am waiting for time to heal the "raw" hurt I feel right now.  I am also grieving for my diminshed faith and praying for it to return.  As one other woman said, I have lost the belief of miracles and prayer.  I am returning to work tomorrow and hope that will help me to fill the void in my days.  I continue to pray and will add you to my prayers.  I hope for better days ahead for both of us.

Bev

Hi Bev~

I remember your messages on the old board about Barry and I am so sorry for your loss.

Some people call those crying times "griefbursts"--it's an appropriate description, eh?

Here's hoping that your return to work will be a helpful distraction.

But please take care--you will probably feel exhausted.

And Nicole~

You have such a spontaneous, generous nature--your Mom must be so proud of you!

I would imagine that you are "the light of her life" (one of my Mom's favourite sayings )

My best to you & your family.

And Pink~

If you're reading...you are not forgotten.  Post another message when you can.

Take care all,

Lynne

Bev,

I wanted to get back on here and give you a BIG hug too!  I hope the distraction of work will help a little as you make your way through such a difficult time.  I'm keeping you in my thoughts and please accept my very sincere condolences. 

Peggy

Dear pinkprism, I am holding you in my heart right now, after reading your raw words.  Only two weeks...that is such a short time ago.  How very lucky you were to have had Harold in your life for 14 years; however, that fact will not in a million years take away the pain that you are in right now.  If you can, please try not to give in to the family members who are pushing you, well-intentioned though they may be, to do things that you are not ready to do.  If they have not experienced a loss such as this, they can't know how it feels to be in those shoes...and people, even in the same family, react differently to pain.  Tears are healing - don't hold them back.  Hugs to you, dear.  (pinkprism)         

Pink, It has been about 7 weeks since my husband died.  I am going slow.  I just returned to work today.  The work was great.  I teach 5th graders and they are a delight.  It was hard to come home and think about the fact that I am starting down a new path that no longer has him on it with me.  I gave away his pick up to our son.  His transportation was not reliable and Barry had said many times that he wanted him to have it.  I sold our boat to our daughter and son-in-law.  It was only a few years old.  I know Barry would have wanted to keep it in the family.  He was a hunter and had written down which guns went to whom.  I also have lots of hunting paraphenalia most will go to our son.  That was their thing to do.  Many of his clothes will go to my son-in-law.  However, I haven't given anything other than the vehicles away yet.  Right now having his things around me bring me comfort.  I wear a few of his shirts and pj pants.  They bring me comfort.  You have to go at your own pace.  Explain to well meaning family members that you appreciate their concerns, but you are just not ready to think about that yet.  Barry was cremated and is in a beautiful oak box that sits on his gun case.  It is engraved with a flock of flying geese and his name.  I actually sit it on my lap at times and talk to him.  I still have many moments where grief overwhelms me and I rail at God for not answering our prayers.  That is also hurting.  Right now I have lost the "magic" of my faith.  I am lucky to have had Barry for 38 years in my life.  Unlike you and Harold, when we were good - we were very good together, but when we were bad - we both could be pretty stubborn.  Fortunately, the good times far outweigh the bad.  I am also fortunate that we did have the last several months to say whatever needed to be said. But, I still feel it wasn't enough.  The end seemed to come so abruptly.  I believed them when they said he was so out of it because of the drugs and not the leukemia.  They told us on Monday there wasn't anything else they could do and he died on Friday.  I brought him home for only two days.  I am angry that I was so blind!!  I don't know what I would have done differently at the very end, but I do know that I would have moved heaven and earth to find that McDonald's cheeseburger he had asked for only three weeks before he died.  It was the last thing he asked for and I didn't get it.  I didn't realize it was so near the end.  Sorry for such a long post.  I meant to give you comfort and have gone on in a rant.  It is very hard.  Please stay in touch and let me know how your are doing.

Bev

I just wish there was something to say or do to help.

My heart aches for you.

God Bless,

Teresa in Indiana

Hi Pink, so sorry for your loss, and I know sorry does not help!  Ideas, hmm.. I know my coworker had all of the guys where her husbands favorite shirts, they were Hawaiian shirts.  They also played Hawaiian music.  Other ideas:  play his favorite song or the song that is special for the both of you, do a balloon release, if he was into any hobbies you could set those up for all the visitors to see, have someone make a tribute video..  These are just some ideas that Ive heard of others to do.  I can't imagine how hard it must be.  Im sure whatever you choose to do will be wonderful.. Oh, another idea is if you don't want to speak, then you could write what you want to say and have a family member read it for you.  I did this for my grandfathers funeral.   Hugs, nicole