The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society - Fighting Blood Cancers
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  • 75. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    debwitter Registered Users
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    Why are you going the chemo route?  I forgot how many times I heard that.  I had to bite my tongue from saying Uhh, because my girl would have died without it! 

     

    Another classic one was "I hear that cottage cheese with flax, garlic and pepper cures cancer!"  Really?!  Tell me how I would feed that to a seven-year-old with cancer?  Where are the survivors of this miracle cure? 

     

    Here is another one - "I would never do chemo!"  With this one I tell the person Never say Never.  You do not know what you will do until faced with the situation and knock on wood you won't. 

     

    The excuses are amazing.  I am so sorry I did not call you.  That was after almost three years of treatment.  Give me a break.  I learned early on that the rapid responding friends were the ones who had lived through cancer with a family member.  The minute they got the news they came to the hospital. Our other friends disappeared quietly and there was no love lost.  The friends we made through cancer ended up being fabulous and true blue.  

     

    Here is a hilarious video from a fellow cancer patient and it is titled What Not To Say To A Cancer Patient.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLqHirQi_rs

     

    Thanks so much.  I loved reading all of the stupid comments we hear. 

     

    debwitter

  • 76. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    debwitter Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    LOVE  THAT QUOTE SO MUCH!

     

    debwitter

  • 77. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    norrim04 Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Forgive me if this suddenly posts 5 times, I've been trying to get it to post all night...

     

    Heard this beauty Friday at our local watering hole: "You're lucky you have insurance. You better hope he gets better before Obama's death panels decide he's too expensive to keep treating."

     

    Check, please!

  • 78. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    debwitter Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Oh MY Gosh, That one just takes the cake! 

     

    There is a thing called the Darwin Awards. Look it up on the internet.  We should have a similar award for the complete lunacy that comes out of people's mouths regarding cancer. 

     

    debwitter

  • 79. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    josefsdad Registered Users
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    I have not been in a physical fight since high school but if someone said that to me I think I would hit them. Seriously how do you say that to someone? Sorry you had to hear that and it probably was best just to leave.

     

    Jon

  • 80. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    AmazingGraceMom Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Very timely thx. Here is my gem -how did grace take it when you told her she might die? ( ummm, she has a good prognosis, hope and she is 5! you think I would tell her that!!??)

  • 81. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    rmajor Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Seriously AmazingGraceMom, I think I would have responded by asking "How do you feel about being told your about to die, 'cause I'm ready to kill you"  ...I must be the mom on the boards w/ anger issues, because I never respond with kindness and grace when people are stupid and rude!

     

    And Margaret, that one really, really gets me...as some one whose child reached their policy's 2 million cap within 3 months of diagnosis, we totally would have been in a bar brawl!!!!!!!  Yes, at least Joey has insurance, I personally know the fear of having to face this without insurance...not a good position to be in!

     

    DUMB, DUMB, DUMB, people in this world!

     

    Hope you all have a wonderful, stupid people free Holiday season...Peace and Love,

    Robyn

  • 82. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    aboutthewin Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Robyn, you made tea come out of my nose this morning with your comeback -- and that's a good thing, thank you! I tried to post a reply by email, but it didn't take so I guess that's not working either.

     

    Anyway, Margaret and AmazingGraceMom, I’m so sorry you had to hear that junk. I’ve heard a few comments re: health care reform and Andrew’s care as well. One jack*** actually said something like “You’re lucky you’re in pre-Socialist America. He’d probably be dead if you weren’t.” I’m not kidding. I told him that my virtual friends from this board who are in Canada, Australia and from around the world whose kids are receiving the same level of care as mine prove him wrong and left it that. Some people are just morons. Period.

     

    Kristen

  • 83. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    nana Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Robyn,

     

    I am with you! I cannot reply with grace or anything close to kindness.  My husband is always the one who handles people better than I do.  My thinking is if these people are that ignorant do they really deserve my kindness???  I know not the most enlightened attitude--but come on!!

     

    Nana

  • 84. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    Elke'smom Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    My husband's been wanting me to post this one for a long time.

     

    Back when Elke was on front-line treatment, one of the first times she was actually able to get out we took her to the talent show being held by her sister's elementary school (I think this was during DI, so she wasn't doing great by any means).

     

    During intermission one father (who has serious foot-in-mouth disease) approached me and said, "Is it true?"  I looked at him quizzically and said, "Is what true?"

     

    Him:"What I heard?"

     

    Me:  "What did you hear?"

     

    Him:  "Um, the leukemia thing."

     

    Me:  "Oh yes, Elke has leukemia."

     

    Him:  [Face and body relax and he breaks into a smile]:  "Oh, thank God!  I thought it was you!"

     

    Me:  [Silence, with jaw dropping.]

     

    Him: [Stammering]:  "I mean, it's so much better that it's her than you.  I mean, uh,  not that it's good that she has leukemia or anything, but it would be much worse if it were you. [really stammering] I mean, I worked in pharmaceuticals, I know these things...."

     

    Meanwhile, a good friend who has suffered through cancer twice was standing behind this father, waiting to speak with me, and the look on my friend's face was priceless -- a weird smile kind of like, "Is he really saying what I think he's saying?????"

     

    Unbelieveable.  Yes, every day I thank God that my child has cancer and not me.  NOT.

     

    As someone said in another forum, all of us would gladly take our childrens' places, but unfortunately, no one's offering us that deal.

  • 85. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    Nina Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    People can be incredibly stupid. When my son was still on Prednisone (which made him hyper and moody), some woman in a store told me that I should teach him how to behave. I smiled and told her that I could teach her to mind her business. Why do people feel like it's ok to be so intrusive? I get it when it's someone I know and they're expressing concern, but for someone to tell me how to raise my kid, when they don't know what's going on...give me a break, I've got enough to deal with.

  • 86. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    debwitter Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    AMEN!

     

    Deb Witter

  • 87. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    AmazingGraceMom Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    You guys are awesome. I am glad there is this community. I have thought of a few more I've gotten -"a two year treatment?!" are you sure it's that long?"...yes, I was really listening to our onc when they explained the protocol.... And two- " grace's hair hasn't fallen out yet. Is the chemo even working on her??" And three-" she seems so healthy...are you sure it wasn't a misdiagnosis?" ...How many of us have fretted over this last one. Like for just kicks I am making my 5 yr old go through treatment. And yes I have had moments

  • 88. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    AmazingGraceMom Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Sorry. The thread bombed out. Yes I have had moments of second guessing if she has ALL but the test is conclusive. Last on "well, just be positive!"

  • 89. Re: Things that Should Never be Said to a Cancer Parent
    TeamCM Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    I'll bring this topic back to life with this..

     

    I can see why people who don't have a child with cancer can say stupid things, they really just don't understand or know what to say, that being said.. what is the excuse for fellow non-leukemia cancer parents?? They SHOULD know better, my favorite so far is "well, it's just leukemia" oh really...well its still cancer, may, that is circulating throughout the entire body. This statement would be equivilent to me telling a parent of a child with a brain tumor, "Its just a tumor..surgery can fix that"

     

    idiots.

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