The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society - Fighting Blood Cancers
6 Replies Latest reply: Jan 6, 2011 11:27 PM by serenitybaby RSS

Husband newly diagnosed

teric506 Registered Users
Currently Being Moderated

Hello,

My  husband was recently diagnosed with Mantle Cell Lymphoma. He is 36 and  has always been really healthy. We have two autistic children and the  whole family is having a hard time dealing with the news. He actually  started chemo on Tuesday. He is having outpatient chemo once every three  weeks for 3 rounds and then he will have inpatient chemo once a month  for 3 rounds and then he is having stem cell replacement. It's hard for  me to gauge how he is really feeling becasue he internalizes everything  and all he says is "it is what it is" and "I am just along for the  ride". Is this typical? I want to be able to help him through this but  cant seen to get through to him and I cant show him how upset I am  because then he will worry about me and I just want him to concentrate  on getting better. We also have the children to deal with and they seem  to be dealing with it the same way as my husband is. I am not sure how  to get everyone through this and just want to get some input from people  who have been in similar situations.

Teri

  • Re: Husband newly diagnosed
    Luddy Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    I see that you have received support elsewhere on this forum, and that is good.    As far as having experienced what your husband has, I have in a way, but it has been almost 4 years since my last treatment.  I try to forget the experience, and most days I do.   I am a woman,  I am sure men deal differently.  I guess the only encouragement that I can give you is that you need the support of your family and friends and take it as much as you can.  As many have expressed, each person is different, and their response to therapy is different.  Find support for yourself and then you can figure out what he needs.

  • Re: Husband newly diagnosed
    Bette1 Registered Users
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    Any chance your husband would participate (or at least read) things on this site?  It might benefit him to read the experiences of some of us who have been there.  Has your husband been given a prognosis?  My prognosis was total gloom and doom and sent me into a fatalistic tailspin - it took me weeks before I was ready to get back up and fight.  

     

    Don't want to seem harsh, but why can't you let your husband know how worried you are - it's perfectly normal.  It sounds like he doesn't want to worry you and you don't want to worry him.  Cancer is a difficult subject to discuss but it affects everything in your family's life.  I can't imagine not talking about it.  If your husband won't talk about his illness you might want to find someone else (counselor, minister, social worker) for you to talk to.  No one, patient or caregiver, should have to bottle up their concerns and emotions..........fighting cancer is difficult enough without having to deal with a lack of emotional support.

     

    I'm so sorry your family is having to deal with this nightmare.  Please keep posting and let us know how your family is doing.

     

    Best to you,

    Bette   

    • Re: Husband newly diagnosed
      teric506 Registered Users
      Currently Being Moderated

      Thanks so much for the reply's. No, unfortunately he would never get on this site. He is a very to himself person and always wants to handle things on his own. I have told him how I feel, I am just trying to figure out how I can help him get through this.

       

      Teri

      • Re: Husband newly diagnosed
        LiznGA Registered Users
        Currently Being Moderated

        I'm wondering if your husband might be depressed.  I am a newly diagnosed MCL pt. myself and undergoing more definitive tests right now so I can't begin to know how it feels to be going through chemo yet.  But I do know that if your husband tends to hold things in and not express them, that he may be prone to depression.  Do you think this is something you could talk with him about?  Or talk with his physician or nurse about?  It could be that there is a support group at the facility where he is receiving treatment that they might direct both of you to.  Hope this helps a little.  Just know you're not alone....

  • Re: Husband newly diagnosed
    lymphomajourney Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    Normal to be worried. I blogged about my worries (www.lymphomajourney.wordpress.com) and am now a year out from the transplant date, in full remission, and basically back to normal, apart from the usual background worries. One of the things we did, both as a couple and as a family, is see a social worker to check in on how we are all feeling about this - it helped and that might be an option.Best of luck.

  • Re: Husband newly diagnosed
    serenitybaby Registered Users
    Currently Being Moderated

    I just started reading this site and found your post. My husband was recently diagnosed with MCL as well (Dec), and getting 1st cycle part B of Hyper CVAD chemo at the hospital, as I'm typing. He is 39 and tomorrow is his big 40. I know it has been a while since your post, and I'm not sure how he's doing now. The hardest thing for my husband to go through was being so young, younger than rest of the patients on the oncology floor when he's admitted to the hospital. Both of my husband and I have been working in the hospital, so we kinda of have this dark of sense of humor. I was more depressed than him at the begining actually, but because he was so optimistic, he really changed the way i look at this problem now. I think if you can have a positive outlook to this, he will eventually be influenced by you and look at this more optimistically. This is life. We have to try to treasure each single day as much as we can.

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