Hi there Gone Beyond!
Many blessings to you and you are absolutely right - you are still here for
a reason! I'm sorry you are feeling tired and exhausted and like your life
ended in 1998. Is there a way to see yourself as having been born again
after your experience? Sounds like you're both sad but also have a sense of
connection to God and your spirit.
I was diagnosed with acute leukemia in 2004 and spent a year or two living
the "dark night of the soul." I celebrated 5 years post transplant in
November. Life is full of ups and downs though isn't it, even after
surviving a major illness. I'm in Canada and our economy is in the tank too.
I spent about 20,000 going back to do a Masters degree and then last month
got laid off. I'm unemployed and a single mom and freaked out. BUT I have a
strong faith in God, and that will get me through as it has gotten me
through so much. Cancer brought me much closer to God. Have you read a
Purpose Driven Life?
Insofar as your questions, the cure or remission thing - I think after 12
years i'd be comfortable using the cured word!! Insofar as hereditary, I
think in 99.9 cases the answer is no, but in some yes there is a hereditary
element (my mom and I have both had acute leukemia which is highly unusual).
Very best to you and God bless
Protocols have certainly changed. They don't wait three months after an AML dx under any circumstances to get a patient into chemo. Amazing how things change.
When Jesus appeared, did you ask him why he chose to respond to your prayer when so many other people pray hard and wind up dying? I've always been curious about that.
At any rate, I can answer one question for you. AML is definitely environmental. There is just no evidence it's anything else.
Having read other post you placedI I assumed you would write a similar post to me.
My answer is: "Are you kidding me? I would never question Jesus".
And I think you should go back and read my post. I was not praying to survive at that point.
You seem to be skeptical of Jesus' role in our lives? I would be glad to wittness to you the whole situation if you want to hear.
Are you a none believer? Some of your post mention you are a pastor, but you sound bitter? I want you to be happy with our maker's love for you.
Have you experienced any miracles in your life that you attributed to God?
And I do not need to ask Jesus why. I know that I was known by him before I was born. He knew everything I was going to face in lilfe and he also
knew that some patitents were not going to survive cancer. He knew them in the womb as well.
I hope you find spiritual contentness. As for me.....................this old world is hard. But heaven will be my reward.
There have been 5 females in my family since 1930 to die of Leukemia. It went like thsi: Aunt; neice; her neice; her neice ; her neice (my aunt) and then me but I survived. No males have had
leukemia in my family that I know of.
The reason they waited 3 months for chemo was that I was too weak for chemo. And the meds they gave I beleive were called veasinoid. Don't really remeber the correct spelling.
I look forward to hearing your response.
I look forward to hearing your response.
Here it is and it's a long one.
I am a pastor. And I'm a bit like Paul, while I think bragging is inappropriate, I can't seem to help it sometimes. Suffice it to say that my faith is strong enough I don't need a "magic Jesus" that intervenes in my life. And if I believed God played favorties among God's children, choosing to heal one child while ignoring the needs of another, well, I might believe in God, but I wouldn't be able to worship and give thanks to such a bastard. Thankfully, God is not that bastard.
And I think you should go back and read my post. I was not praying to survive at that point.
I did read that and, while many would never consider me a sensitive person, I was trying to avoid pinning you on that. Of course, you won't feel pinned. But if God did play favorites, why would God heal someone who was ready to give up instead of someone who was willing to fight through the disease?
Of course, the stock answer is that God works in mysterious ways, there is no understanding why God chooses one and then another. That's just a cop out. If one can claim to understand God's actions to the point s/he can claim healing, then that one is claiming to understand God.
"Oh!" one would say, "God has a purpose for those God saves." They never think of the implication that this means those who die were all used up and useless to God. You know, I have things I know God wants me to do (this is one of them). But I'm not alive because God has these purposes for me, I'm alive because I'm alive. And if I had died of AML or GVHD or if I die this afternoon, God will find someone else to do those jubs.
You see, God doesn't purpose make us. God leads us. If we can't hear God's voice, if we foul up, if we simply decide to go our own way and ignore God's call, God is not defeated. God moves on the the next one with the gifts necessary who might listen and respond.
And you wouldn't question Jesus?! Why not? Have you read the Bible? It's full of people asking God questions, even though they rarely get answers...and what answers they get are so cryptic as to be, essentially, non-answers. Of course, that's what wrong with some Christians today. Don't ask God, don't question the preachers interpretations of the Scripture which were spoonfed to him by his teachers who were in turn spoonfed their answers and on and on gfor generaions and millenia. Is there no new word for today? Is there not a chance we understand things better as we better understand the culture which Jesus lived in and we get clearer (older) texts?
You ask if I'm bitter. Not at God, I love God with all my heart. I'm bitter at Christians who claim to understand the ways of God because someone told them a story and then they went and bent the words of an ancient collection of books to fit within the boundaries of what they were told. Meanwhile, God says, "Behold I do a new thing." God says, "My ways are not your ways." I'm bitter at people who go for the simple answer when dealing with the Creator of the Universe and wouldn't dare question what they were taught and what they perceive. Faith is not faith without doubt. It is not blind acceptance. Faith is born and tempered in doubt.
Most of all I'm bitter about "Christians" who have been commanded to love one another...to love their neighbors and so easily discount the feelings of others to make unverifiable claims that they were singled out for healing while leaving those who hear and who mourn wondering why God didn't heal their loved one. And the receivers of God's great miracle never have a word to help those people understand. Is this love? Not a love in my book. Not the love that I think Jesus was calling us to practice.
It's so easy to discount the feelings of others and turn the spotlight on ourselves in the guise of "witnessing to others." Oh sure, one would say that s/he is turning the spotlight on God, but God has for God's own reasons chosen to work in the background. The spotlight is actually on the person saying, "Look how much God love ME!" Hardly a becoming witness as a follower of the man who said the meek shall inherit the earth.
Faith is so open, wonderful and full. It's not a small set of non-negotionable rules followed by banailty. It is the Universe itself. It's not individual acts and experiences, it's about all of God's children and all of God's creation.
Now I'm going to try to shorten my responses in replying to your other questions and offers.
I am not skeptical of Jesus' role in our lives. I think you're misinformed. For one thing, Jesus is not God, Jesus' is God's son. Except for one unfortunate statement in John, Jesus always points to God as a seperate person; God is the one who heals; God is the one who is good; God is the one who is prayed to...not once does Jesus start a prayer "Dear me." But that's a theological point that is just basic philosophy. It's not a practical theological issue, so I won't go into more detail or the other areas where the common theological pereception of God is just way off from what the Bible teaches. Well, one thing, if one is willing to read what Jesus is truly saying in that passage from John, instead of just giving it a quick, superficial once over without using any imagination, one would find it's not contradictory to Jesus' other statements separating himself from God.
I don't need your witness. I've spoken with a number of people who've seen dead realatives, some who think they saw Jesus, hell, I've heard God speak to me and I know it was very real. I personally believe there's no way of knowing about these things. And if you'd just said Jesus appeared to you I wouldn't have written a word.
It's the fact you associate healing with that. You're not saying you woke up the next morning and all the cancer was gone are you? That would be a different matter. You've only said that Jesus appeared to you when you were ready to give up and that you were healed. There is nothing there to imply the two events are connected. That's purely subjective speculation.
You ask if anthing has ever happened in my life that I consider a miracle. Sunrises, each breath, witnessing the miracle of creation and the ending of life, those are a helluva lot bigger miracles to me than someone simply being healed. But if you're talking about God breaking into the world to interact with someone, I'd guess it was the day I heard God speak.
It was right before my ordination interview. I was feeling unworthy of the calling I had received and was asking the elders of my denomination to recognize. I didn't know what I was going to say. I was in a real tizzy. Suddenly I heard quite clearly and externally the words, "I haven't brought you this far to leave you alone now." It made me think and calmed me down.
I've only told that story to less than five people in my life and now I've posted it on the Internet. Mostly because I'm tired of folks like you challenging the depth of my faith because I don't believe the fariy stories you do. But even so, I don't really consider it a miracle. I consider feeding the 5.000 a miracle, however it happened. And maybe Jesus just appeared to you to encourage you in your fight.
Miracles happen in public and in front of a lot of people. But back to you, as I said if you'd written Jesus appeared to you, no problem. But claiming that Jesus (God) healed you is where I step off the trolley for reasons I've already explained.
If you've truly read other posts I've written...and paid attention, you'd know this. But I assume you're just another person who was sent on this forum by someone who's trying to find someone else to discredit me. These people have always read other of my posts or been "warned" about me, or both before they post their first message on the boards. That just strikes me as strange and as Yosarian said, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. And I don't write so much to you folks as I do the folks who haven't been around to see this "discussion" before. I hate to think someone might be misled into believing that God ignored their loved ones while giving so much care to someone else.
And let me say this clearly to your smug comments like, " I want you to be happy with our maker's love for you." I'm quite happy thanks and I live in God's love and give thanks to God every day.
I try to follow my Lord's commands and example. He looked out for the little ones, so do I. One way is I try to protect them from the damage the type of "witness" you offer does to them and their relationship with God. If not protect, I want to assure they at least know a person can have a deep faith while ignoring the insults such witness does to their spirits.
And that's where the smugness I just mentioned becomes apparent. This belief that one can't believe unless they believe what you believe. My God, but didn't you just assume I was unhappy and a "non-believer" just because I don't believe as you do.
You don't think I can believe or be happy if I don't believe as you? Isn't that the epitome of smugness.
To be clear, I don't care if you believe Jesus -- not God but Jesus himself -- saved you. That's your business. But when you come to a public forum and say this to others, not caring about those who are going to be devastated by what you say, then I'm going to challenge you.
In closing, I want to examine one of your statements as it appears to contradict everything else you've been asserting.
He knew everything I was going to face in lilfe and he also
knew that some patitents were not going to survive cancer
On the one hand, you have said without equivocation that Jesus healed you. In this sentence it seems you are saying Jesus knew that some were destined to die no matter what. I don't know if that's contradictory or just gobbledygook. If you want to clarify this, that would be fine.
Hi. Congrats on nearly 12 years that is truly Awesome! Did you ever need a transplant?
You wrote earlier, "
I know Jesus saved my life. I know because he came to my hospital room and presented himself in the physical form. One other person saw this miracle. This miracle occurred immediately after a prayer I sent up saying " I give up. I am ready to go. This is too hard."
I know there is a reason I am still here. Honestly I don't know what it is. I feel like my life ended on June 2, 1998.
I am a very tired woman.
I have so many questions that I think will never be answered. ie 1)Am I in remission or am I cured? 2) Is AML heriditary or environmental?"
First, I believe AML is environmental. I do not believe of any God who would allow my mother and others to suffer and fight the way she had to for 3 years. I also don't believe my friend Dustin died at the age of 24 from osteosarcoma, because it was God's plan. Therefore solely environmental from my point of view. I did have several family members who pointed my mothers diagnosis to God, however, I found that "they" did that, because it gave them better understanding and someone to point to for the cause of this. They were the same one's who took the posittion on Aug. 3, 2009 for us to pull the ventilator on my mother after she suffered aspirating and was low on oxygen. Needless to say we stuck to mom's wishes and she lived for another 50 days. For me, my sister, brother, and my father it was not about We pulling the ventilator, but when mom would die on her own time. She ending up having several neglectful decisions made on her behalf, and therefore on Sept. 18, 2009 she sadly passed. Was that the day God planned for her to die, or was it Aug. 3, or somewhere in between. Needless to say... we agreed she had longer, but that didn't happen.
2nd, I am glad Jesus came into your life. He came into my mother's whole heartedly her whole life and she according to her, "lived her last 3 years for him witnessing to others". I definitly found a closer connection myself. The one thing that is disheartening to some people like myself is when others feel that Jesus saved them and not others. I have no doubt and the other 1,000 who were inspired by mother could say,"She deserved to live".. Beverly Sue Kelly Cook. Aug. 23, 1955-Sept. 18, 2009.
I hope you can find purpose in your life. You have had a great blessing getting through this disease! hugs, nicole
Thank you for your kind words. I have read The Purpose Driven Life. I read it many years ago. I think it is time to revisit it. I am an avid reader and enjoy books by authors like Dr. Dodson and his family series; M.Scott Peck like The Road Less Traveled. You know it starts out something like this: Life is hard, and then you die. Joyce Meyer has some good stuff too.
My favorite book of all time is Aynn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. I believe it sums up what is wrong with our economy today. Written decades ago, you would think it could have been written this year. I wish it was a must read for our poiliticians in Washington.
So, you're calling me a liar?
I'm sure you know what you experienced. Did you read my entire post or did you come here with this brief note already written in your head?
I suggested you might be any number of things: naive, misinformed, uninformed and not given to deep thought, cruel, careless, etc. Not sure where I could possbily have been interpreted as calling you a liar. Please explain exactly where you think I did so. Maybe I can explain how you're wrong, once again?
I'd be glad to help.
I decided this post addressed an aspect of this conversation I'd rather not participate in. I just butted into a discussion between two others and I'll leave it at that. I just get wound up sometimes.
Anyway, if you read what occupied this space previously, please disregard it.
Message was edited by: Tex
You asked 2 questions and I answered them. I found your response to be very short after I had just shared my opinon with you, but I guess you are too focused on Tex:) You stated it sounds like your family has been through tough times? Are you kidding me, I just told you I lost my mother my bestfriend. This is more than tough times and then to reply I hope your 2010 is better! Ha Ha! My life will never be the same all because of AML. I feel you lack compassion for me and that is one area I try my best to be good in for others.
You Live then you Die... True, it's just that some fall in the better statistics!
PS. I can't get on with posting about Survivor's because mine did not survive therefore this is all I have to offer smiling sarcastically!