Tex,
I do not understand grieving really at all. I've grieved very differently over different people whom I've lost.
When I was 21 I had a really good friend die from a heart attack (he was only 20). I still have dreams about him. I dream he's not really dead, and I'm always so sad when I wake up from such a dream. I am 48, it's been a long time. A month and a 1/2 after he died, my grandmother passed away (it was actually on what would have been my friend's 21st birthday and also Thanksgiving that year). She had lived with us for 10 years, so I was pretty close to her, but at 81 she was ready to go, and I was not sad, though I still think of her often.
I had a stillborn son 13 years ago. When I lost him I thought I would die. It was so very painful and was that way for a long, long time. I physically ached, I mean my arms had actual pain in them from not holding him, it was hard to breathe, move, do anything. It was kind of an out of body experience. As time went on, it got better, but there are moments when I still feel that pain very intensely. Most people can't understand this because he was not born alive. To me though, he was as much alive and as hard losing as if I'd lost one of my living children.
I lost my other 2 grandparents 4 days apart. They'd been married almost 66 years. While I miss them, it was a blessing they more or less went together. They had a very full life together and it would have been more painful to see them apart. I actually think my grandfather died from a broken heart and my grandmother waited to die for him to be able to do so with her. We were told she had 2 weeks to live and she lived for 5 months, in which time he deteriorated to the point he died right after her. He hadn't been ill. She was 86 and he was 87. They were so cute together - after all those years they still held hands. I came home from my Grandfather's funeral and separated from my 1st husband. I wanted to be with someone and feel that way. I am lucky I found John and now I do 
.
I think grief comes in a lot of forms. I know I have felt grief over my lymphoma and all of John's things he went through. It has changed our lives and even changed me in how I feel about people. We have lost part of who we were. It makes me feel almost aloof sometimes.
What you wrote, reminded me the first time I went a day without really thinking about my son I lost. I felt really bad, kind of guilty, that I could move on. I missed that intense pain when it lessened. I think it's because it keeps the person close to you in an odd way. Perhaps that's why some people don't or can't move on.
Thanks for letting me share. I think of this often and have a lot since Bev passed away. I ache for Nicole. I dread the day I lose one of my parents, and I pray I'm not around to lose my husband or one of my other children.
Boy I've rambled on. . .
Hugs, Jeri
As Robet Plant sang, "Ramble on..." You weren't rambling.
I don't intend to comment much on these replies. I'm really trying to absorb and learn.
But talking about dreaming about your friend brought me to a realization. I've had dreams about my mom occasionally. She hardly ever got mad at me but most of my dreams about her have been her chewing me out with fervor. I hadn't thought of those distinctions.
She hasn't been showing up at night as much lately, well, not that I've remembered anyway. But I've felt like those were dreams she was trying to communicate with me. I don't know if I fixed what she was upset about or she just gave up. They were just probably like other dreams where I was working out my subconscious overnight. But it was and is truly freaky when it happens.
