BMB #2: The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Community

Up to Discussions in Waiting for a Diagnosis

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11 Replies Last post: Dec 2, 2009 10:50 PM by Cookie Monster

Caoimhe12

17 posts since
Jun 26, 2009

Currently Being Moderated

Nov 19, 2009 10:11 AM

BMB #2

Well here i sit waiting for tomorrow and BMB #2. Oh, and now I have a new doctor in atlanta, he wanted me to have the 2nd BMB on tuesday at our 1st visit! My old doctor never moved this fast and its reassuring and is putting a fear in me like no other.

I have a feeling that the people in my life are relieved to know that i am being taken care of properly now. i don't know, i can't get this nagging feeling out of my stomach and heart.

His words were "your 1st BMB was inconclusive, we know that you are a sick girl, now we just have to find out the cause and get you on a treatment plan." Well thank you! Somebody finally see's that I am sick and that my WBC count has been at 1 since June.

I am rambling i know, but why do i feel like running and screaming? I'm having emotions I've never had before, and I am suprised out how much of it is anger. And i don't know why i am angry. I'm just waiting for someone to tell me to get over it! It will take every thing in me not to blast them verbally!

I know i will be sedated and i went through one already, but like a 2 year old having a tantrum, i want to scream! Such strong emotions, wow, i'm not use to feeling so much at the same time. Maybe i should just go outside and scream! Scream my bloody head off! LOL! My neighbours will love that!

Thanks for allowing me to vent, and no, I am not some raving lunatic, I just needed to get that out to the only people I know who truly understands what i am feeling. Thanks for being here for me by the way, you guys are the best!

-caoimhe

Tags: leukemia, anger, lymphoma, emotion, cancer, count

Emily87

383 posts since
Apr 3, 2009

Currently Being Moderated

1. Nov 19, 2009 12:16 PM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Hey there. . just happened to see your post. . .just wanted to let you know that venting is healthy, normal and encouraged It's no good to hold anything in in stressfull situations like this. I hope you get answers soon, and that your life will settle back into normalcy. For the record, screaming your fool head off can be extremely theraputic

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kgirl

240 posts since
Aug 16, 2009

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2. Nov 19, 2009 2:21 PM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Hi Cao (I shortened up your name). Fear and anger are very strong emotions and you are up to your knees in fear/anger quicksand. EVERYBODY on these boards have felt the same emotions, they seem to come with the territory. Once you have your 2nd BMT and get a diagnosis one way or the other (we're hoping it's a good diagnosis) I believe you will feel more in control and therefore will have a better handle on your emotions. Knowing your second doctor is moving fast should, hopefully, ease your mind just a bit. Better to know and move forward than to be stuck in a waiting mode. My doctor moved so fast my head spun, and it took me quite a while to adjust to the changes in my life. Some experiences are life altering. When I felt like screaming, I'd go in the bathroom, grab a huge bath towel and have at it....didn't want to scare all the critters in the neighborhood!!!!

Faith, trust and fairy dust

Kgirl

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Caoimhe12

17 posts since
Jun 26, 2009

Currently Being Moderated

3. Nov 20, 2009 10:12 AM

in response to: kgirl

Re: BMB #2

I'm glad i'm not alone, i wish none of us were sick, but it is such a comfort to come on these boards and be able to vent, honestly, not hold back. Thanks everyone for the words of advice and encouragement.

i am getting ready to leave to go to the hospital, this morning has been a rollercoaster of emotions, but i can do this! i must do this!

i will report back soon,

peace and love

-caoimhe

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Emily87

383 posts since
Apr 3, 2009

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4. Nov 20, 2009 10:22 AM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Fingers crossed for you!! Good luck!

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Cookie Monster

513 posts since
Apr 9, 2008

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5. Nov 21, 2009 12:00 PM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Hi Caoimhe,

Just saw your post and I can agree that I've had your emotions too. Yup, you're "normal". How did the 2nd BMB go yesterday and any news on results?

Blessings,

Jane

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Caoimhe12

17 posts since
Jun 26, 2009

Currently Being Moderated

6. Nov 28, 2009 11:09 AM

in response to: Cookie Monster

Re: BMB #2

Sorry i haven't got back to this post, but my 2nd BMB went ok, except the aspiration bit! why does that always hurt unless you are completely knocked out? I get the results this coming Tuesday, thanks for asking!

My only complaint is the drive! Depending on what time of day it is, traffic in and out of Atlanta is murder! They also discussed the real need for me to have a shunt placed if my results come back with cancer. But i was also thinking and spoke w/ my husband about, is if i have to have chemo, that drive is going to really be murder! (It takes us 1hr 45min. and i suppose alot of you folks have to drive further, so please forgive my complaining.)

It started getting too sad, the conversation w/ my hubby, so we decided to cross that bridge when we get there.

So wish me luck and better traffic, i will post my results on tuesday or wednesday, thanks for all the support! Hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday!

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kgirl

240 posts since
Aug 16, 2009

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7. Nov 28, 2009 4:16 PM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Hi Cao!! So happy to hear you made it through your BMB with just a bit of a big ole OUCH!!! I completely understand how frustration and annoying long drives can be. For two years, Kboy and I drove 2 hours to work and 2 hours from work, and it literally made me crazy. Keep in mind (as I'm sure you are) that the drive, while a pain in the rear, is just another in a list of others, that you will brave....cause in the end my dear, you are worth it (Lord, I sound like a Clairol commercial, sorry!) You and hubby will cross a few bridges, and will do it in your own time and your own way. Everybody's different. I, also, tend to dole out pearls of all things sad in small doses. It gets said in the end, and don't know about you, but I'm still reeling from my diagnosis in February. Makes it a wee bit hard when my tongue gets all tied up and my throat closes, so I pack it in, throw it in the closet upstairs and slam the door until I'm ready again. Best of luck to you next Tuesday, and when you can, please let us know the outcome.

Kgirl

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Cookie Monster

513 posts since
Apr 9, 2008

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8. Nov 30, 2009 9:40 PM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Hi Caoimhe,

Thanks for updating us and crossing only the bridges that need crossing right now is the way to go. First things first and all.

Yup, traffic can be a real bummer depending on the time of day. During my treatment, me and hubby had to deal with morning rush hour and no matter what route we found to take, it was still too many cars. Sigh . . . we made it through though.

Deep breathe when the stress starts to creep in, it really does work.

Hugs and blessings,

Jane

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Caoimhe12

17 posts since
Jun 26, 2009

Currently Being Moderated

9. Dec 2, 2009 6:37 PM

in response to: Cookie Monster

Re: BMB #2

well, i got my BMB results! they found no leukemia, no lymphoma!!!! they are still concerned about a very rare form of cancer that starts with an M, i wish i could remember the name, sorry. but basically here is what i was told.

after 4 aids tests, i don't have aids, however, i have no immune system. i seem to be a very rare case, a medical anomially (sp). Dr Hefnor says that i have no nutrafil, i wish i had my blood work in front of me, its in the house, which makes me extremely prone to infections, my WBC is close to 0. i am going to have to go every week and continue to monitor my WBC and will probably have more BMB's because my bone marrow just doesn't look right.

i have to wear a mask every where i go to avoid catching anything. so i have decided i am going to design a line of fashionable masks for the woman or man on the go! if you have any ideas let me know!

my worry is that i have made so many friends here and now that i don't have cancer, you guys won't want me around anymore. but i will still be going to the hemo doc every week and i will be getting BMB's, so may i stay? i'm still sick and i need you guys, you give me hope.

thanks for being here with me through out this ordeal................

caoimhe

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kgirl

240 posts since
Aug 16, 2009

Currently Being Moderated

10. Dec 2, 2009 6:51 PM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Positively and absolutely!!!! Congrats on not having either "L's", that's wonderful news. Keep up the good fight, and surely your doctor's will get to the bottom of what's

going on with you. Please keep us posted and don't forget to drop by for a cup of coffee, conversation. and I'm sure Cookie will have something delicious to snack on.

Kgirl

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Cookie Monster

513 posts since
Apr 9, 2008

Currently Being Moderated

11. Dec 2, 2009 10:50 PM

in response to: Caoimhe12

Re: BMB #2

Hi Caoimhe,

Good to hear you don't have leukemia or lymphoma and hopefully your doctor will get to the bottom of what is going on with your white blood cells.

I love your idea of making fashionable face masks for men and women. Here in Alabama you could use camoflague for the guys and almost anything else for the women. LOL You'll need a good filter in the mask too I imagine. Good luck!

I say stay around as long as you like. You're still in the waiting diagnosis and seeing the hemo onc. We'll continue to help you walk this journey.

Blessings,

Jane

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This Question is Possibly Answered

Nov 19, 2009 10:11 AM

BMB #2

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