"Sometimes it makes me wonder why mum left us, when some people can carry on with allsorts of diseases/illnesses, why couldn´t she live a lot longer...

It hurts thinking about Christmas without her. Mum made Christmas special. I feel as though I have lost my best friend"

Dido Binnie!  I feel the same and couldn't have said it better

hugs to you, nicole

Hi Binnie,

Good to see you post.  I think about you often and realized you probably needed some time away.

This might sound callous, I hope not.  Remember I've walked with many people to the grave and home again.  I know mourning takes on many forms.  I also know it can be destructive to the lives that go on.

So here goes.  If your grief is such that you're missing a week of work this far out (I know it probably doesn't seem very far out to you at all) you might benefit more from some time with a counselor.  Being depressed is a normal human emotion but sometimes it becomes Depression.  We usually need to see a shrink and/or medication to help us through those times.  At least a trip to the family doctor might not be out of order.

Just take care of yourself and protect yourself.

Blessings

Binnie

It is good to hear from you.  I think of you often.  I know your mom will be with you in spirit at Christmas, as she is every day.  The holidays will be hard without her.  But I bet your Christmas dinner will do her proud!

I spent the day working on Christmas cards.  The front of our card will be an old Christmas picture from 1986, when Matt was 3-- my dad reading "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to the grandkids, as he's done very year for 26 years.  I figured out how to make the whole picture black & white, except Matt, still in color in his red Christmas pj's.  It came out really well and I'm pretty impressed with myself, since I had to teach myself Photoshop first.  I cried the whole time I worked on them.

After 4+ months I still have good days and bad.  It seems to go in cycles.  I'll have a week or more when I'm fine.  Then it hits again, and I'll have a week or so that is really, really bad.  I've  had to take many unscheduled vacation days when I just couldn't get myself together.  Some days, even when I'm at work,  I don't get much done.  But it is getting easier.  You never get over it, you just learn to live with it better.   I know Matt would want us to be happy, just your mom would want the same for you and your dad.

If you are still having more bad days than good, some counseling might help, as Tex suggested.  Make sure you're eating, too. Grieving and depression can really drag you down physcially and leave your body open for any bugs going around.  Try to take care of yourself.

Please check in again and let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it.

Renee

Hi Anhelyna,

I have been wondering how you're doing and am glad to see you checked in.  I think you're doing a great job of handling things in a positive way, even if you have moments when it's not entirely successful.  No one can expect to have things be "business as usual" when you've been through such an ordeal.  I think you have planned some positive strategies for making through the holidays and as always, I wish you well.

- WBF