Hi Hodg,

Sorry to hear about your relapse - I understand about the dark place you can go to in your head....  I've NHL and am in my 7th round in the ring with the beast.

As for your question.....  your family has always been inappropriate and hurtful and the cancer has magnified this and your worried about being nice to these jackasses?  Why???  They obviously don't care for your feelings, why do you accommodate their BS?  Screen your calls.  Answering machine or caller ID works nicely. Call back at YOUR leisure - or if perchance you do pick up not knowing it's someone you don't want to talk with right then - tell them so.  "Thanks for calling but I really don't feel up to telling the story again - check the email - all the info is there.  Buh-bye for now."  .   If they show up at your door,  "thank you for dropping by but now isn't a good time, please call ahead and we'll arrange a time convenient for both of us"...   In other words you can be civil but keep it short.  It helps preserve your need to be "nice" but tells them "go away".    Practice these over and over and don't let them drag you in!  Buh-bye/hang up the phone   Buh-bye and close the door.....

There is no need to explain yourself of entertain any nonsense thats hurtful from them.  Now's the time to focus on YOU!  If your family can't understand this then they really ARE jackasses and not deserving of your valuable time.  Find friends, co-workers, others.....who can be with you, revive your energy instead of draining it, give as much or more back to you as you give to them.  In other words, cast off the negative energy.

Sorry that your family can't be there for you the way you need them at this time but this didn't happen overnight and you won't change the family dynamics - you just have to learn to avoid the landmines.

Good luck to you dear......

Sharon

People can be so insensitive, and it must be particularly frustrating that it's your family with whom you obviously want to continue a relationship.  When people ask me too many questions or questions I don't want to answer, I just tell them I don't know and I don't want to know.  You were thoughtful enough to point them to a good resource, so you should continue to refer them to that instead of trying to answer the questions yourself.  I agree with Shashelt and Rebecca that you have to put yourself first and draw firm boundaries.

I am sorry about your family.  I find much comfort in my church family.  They have the encouragment I need.  Not the doom and gloom of what I don't.  I will tell you what my husband tells me,  It's all about you. You have to put yourslef first and so what if you hurt someones feelings. If you are the one who is fighting this battle and someone is whinning because they got their feeling hurt, something is wrong.  You just take one day at a time.  Everybody has to deal with things in the way that is best for them. Its amazing how time changes things.  I will keep you in my prayers.

Lisa