My first few day with chemotherapy I thought that I was not going to have the side effects they told me I would have. I thought I was immune to it well I was so wrong. That very first day of finishing chemo I came home and took a shower and almost passed out in the shower. The side effects hit me hard. I never felt so tired an weak in my life until that day. I layed on the floor for about a half an hour and that was the start of a very hard long struggle with the side effects of chemotherapy. Week after week I would go in and get my routine blood test to see if I could receive chemo and then when we reached February I got two weeks straight of chemotherapy and radiation at the same time. I hated those shots they had to do four shots in each leg ugh! Just thinking abou them makes my legs hurt. I got your typical nause and vomiting, tired and weak, as well as I lost my ability to walk for several months. The drug that caused this also caused me to loose the function of my thumbs so getting dressed was very difficult. I had gotten so bad that my grandma had to dress me and my fiance would bathe me. I felt so hopless with my self but I was always happy. I don't think I ever walked into my doctors office without a smile on my face. The only time I did not have a smile on my face was when I was in severe amount of pain.

I had a spinal tap cause me to go into the hospital for 4 days because my head heart so bad that I could not lift my head without getting sick. They had me on morphine ever 2 hours which evntually caused me to not be able to go to the bathroom. It was like never ending. I remeber trying to take a shower to try and make myself go and when I came out the doctor finally came in and I was like no don't go I can't go pee!! The nurse had told him I was dressed but I didn't care I couldn't go to the bathroom. When your sick you don't care who sees you naked! Well they were able to finally help me and I went home. Only to come back a month later. I came back in the second week of May of 05 it was the worst 2 weeks of my life. On of the chemo drugs was not agreeing with my body and I was regetting it severly. It had gotten so bad that I was throwing up blood and I couldn't stop! It was so bad that I could barely breath because of the throwing up was so bad. I was then given a lot of pain meds and antibotics to help me fight. I was barely coherent for half of it. It had looked as though death swarmed me. It was the scariest part of my treatment I thought that I wasn't going to come out of the hospital and that I was going to die. I knew I couldn't die I was getting married in two Months!

Yes, my finace stayed with me through everything. The first thing I asked him when we found out was honey I understand if you don't want to stay with me, and he said why would I leave you I love you. The doctors had realized that the drug they were giving had to be several reduce but they knew I also had to have it. So I kept receiving it but at a very low low dose. They also gave a really wonderful gift and that was two weeks of no treatment for my wedding day and honeymoon. On July 9, 2005 I got married to the man who was staying by myside as I was going through treament. At this time I had also gotten enough strength back in my legs to walk. They had also reduced the drug that caused me to loose my ability to walk. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life during that year. I will never forget it and we went to Disney to have the honeymoon which was so much fun. I love Disney.

Soon though it was back to routine  through out the next year and half I got the shingles on my head, had my gallbladder removed, and lost my hair 3 times. I also eneded up having the heavy chemo for a year. Through everything I have been through I wouldn't tried my life with anyone. I always understood I had to have cancer for a reason. During treatment I also raised $1300 to give back and have volunteered my time as much as I can. I love to talk to everyone about what I have gone through. I feel the more you talk about what you have been through the better you can educate those who don't know about cancer and how one can survive. Although I will say I am scared that my cancer can come back but I will never let that stop me from being happy. I finished my last day of Chemo on April 27th, 2007. I also have been married to my husband for 4 years and we are now expecting our first child. I also will be finish up my college education with a bachelors degree in Accounting with a high GPA. I do though however have my side effects from the chemo that I know that I will have to live with forever. I have severe neurothapy which means I can't run and I crap up so bad that at times I do not sleep through the night and cooking can be heard. It is severly difficult to do anything during the winter. My legs can get so bad that it hurts to walk. I don't let this slow me down because that would be giving up and I never give up.

I'm trying to write a book about my life and everything I have gone through to help inspire others and I hope this little bit I have shared has given others hope that as long as you stay happy and have hope that anything you want in life you can have and conquer and get through anything. I stand by the fact that everything happens for a reason. Life is a precious gift we have been given and every day should be treated that way because we never know what can possible happen tomorrow.

Thanks so much for reading.