At the clinic where my daughter gets her treatments a patient passed away. My daughter knew the girl from different activities through the clinic & support group. My daughter is just heart broken and scared. Our daughter wants to go to the funeral home. Our daughter is 15 years old. I am so sad and scared. My emotions are fear,guilt & saddness. My heart is aching for the mom. We did not know the girl well so should we go or should we avoid going? Am I a horrible mom to worry about my daughter when this poor mom just lost hers? I just dont know what to do.
I think every mom fears this everyday, when we were in the hospital an 18 year old teen past away and I saw how davastating the family was. This are the things we as cancer moms dont want to see and dont even.want to believe they happen, I would not let my son see what cancer do. She will forever have this in her head, its better for her to remember her friend alive and the good times she had with her. But again she might always have the regret of not goin. What ever you choose good luck.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughters friend. It's been my experience that the kids at clinic/inpatient are much more aware of each other than the adults are. While you may feel that you didn't know the girl well, your daughter obviously made a connection with her. My completely amateur opnion is that if she's asking to go, I would take her. . The word that caught my eye in your post was "avoid". Unfortunately, we can't avoid any of these realities. Your daughter knew this girl and knows she's died. I think for her to have the experience of paying her respects at the funeral home would be helpful.
Is there anyone in the Child Life office or a Social Worker at your hospital you and/or your daughter could talk to to help you with this?
15 year olds with the right number of chromosomes (as opposed to my child with cancer who has an extra chromosome) already are aware of so much; and going through cancer treatment would make them that much more worldly and mature. I think if your daughter expresses a wish to go to the funeral home you guys should go. I'm sure the parents will appreciate it even if they don't know you well. Having been through both of my parents' funerals I appreciated everyone who came to pay their respects, even if I had no clue who they were until they introduced themselves. It was so nice to hear a story or just be told how sorry they are and that my mom or dad had touched their lives somehow. I can only imagine how uplifting it would be if it was my child. It breaks my heart to think about this, but I'm sure your daughter already realizes the ultimate risk involved with this disease.
Norrim04's idea about talking to Child Life or a social worker to help her deal with it is a great one.
Thank you for All the good advise. I have had a very emotiomal day, I am so worried about how my daughter is feeling about the whole thing? She is a teenager who doesn't always open up to her dad or I. It is the worst part of cancer. I find myself angry that this has to happen to children. I like the idea of calling the child life center and tàlking to them. Such a sad reality.