The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society - Fighting Blood Cancers
4 Replies Latest reply: Oct 14, 2011 9:40 PM by Marnie RSS

Did I leave the gas on?

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You know what it's like.

You know with absolute certainty that you turned the gas off, but once the thought has occured to you it nags and nags.

Or 'Did I lock the car?' - which has you going back to check even though you KNOW you locked it.

 

Well, at my last appointment my consultant told me my PCR was 0.03%, pretty much where it's been for the last 18 months or so.  She also decided to go back to 3 monthly rather than 6 monthly appointments.  All fine and dandy.

A few weeks later I'm lying there not able to sleep and the thought pops into my head:

 

'She did say 0.03% not 0.3% didn't she?'

'Well of course she did, you know she did'

'But maybe she didn't and that's why she moved back to 3 monthly?'

'No, I remember her saying that it was much the same as last time'

'Actually, it was me who said it was much the same and she just made a confirmatory noise'

'Oh Sh#t'

'Come on, you KNOW it was 0.03%'

'But what if it isn't?  That's a whole log increase and a loss of MMR!'

'Stop it.  Be sensible.  You know it was 0.03%'

'I could always phone her?'

'You are not going to phone her, don't be ridiculous.  Anyway it's the middle of the night. Go to sleep.'

'I don't want to wait 3 months if it's gone up that much.'

'GO TO SLEEP!!!!'

 

Of course in the light of day it's easier to forget about it and convince yourself that what you know to be true is true.  Until the next night when the whole thing plays round and round again in your head driving you crazy (yes I know that's a very short distance).  And the next.  And the next.  And during dull bits in meetings.  But I will not weaken, this is ridiculous.

 

Fast forward through several very slow weeks and I get a letter from my consultant, trying to upset me by moving my appointment back far enough that I'll run out of Glivec before it.  Yippee!  On the phone to her secretary immediately to re-arrange the appointment.  'Oh by the way, whilst I'm on the phone, could you just check my last results on the file?'

 

0.03%

 

Thought so.  Thanks

 

Sigh

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