The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Community : All Content - Tell Us Your Story

plz can someone help me

communityreply@lls.org — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 15:06:28 GMT

My husband is in hospital again, he has leukemia with excessive blastosytes pls forgive sp. He is fighting the fight of his life this time, as he was here at home, he had been receiving help we had a nurse who came here, our family dr had set up the lab to check his blood counts every other week, if he needed blood or platelets we would get a call and head up, well the last time they called he tried to shave first and got very frustrated and missed the underneath, I didn't tell him as I didn't want to upset him, I was trying so hard to get him to get dressed as they were waiting for us, well we were real late getting there and the dr familiar with us both was gone home, the other doctor became very concerned kept saying over and over how very low his platelets were and I must've asked her 20x's how low only to hear the samething oh they are so low, she said she thought he must have blood on his brain and set up a ct scan, anyhow next thing she comes in and tells me she has this doctor who is going to take over as our family doctor, I said no thanks, we have a doctor, he has been taking care of my husband for over 20yrs, anyhow she didn't seem to hear anything I said next thing I know this other doc comes in tells me she is admitting him, I asked why she said he is a very sick man, I said I know however we have it taken care of, we have a nurse set up the lab etc... anyhow she heard nothing and did it her way, I was told it was needed as he was very ill she said she wanted to put him in palative care I said no, he has made it very clear this is not what he wants. Anyway she told me he was going to unit 43 the am arrived I headed up, just so you know I have a severe problem walking I do have a walker but should be using my wheelchair now but cannot as I have too many stairs and my hubby needs me, so it takes me quite awhile to get where I am going, I arrived went to unit 43 as thats where she said he was going, I went to the desk asked how he was and if I could plz see him, the nurse looked and said I am sorry he isn't here, I said plz can you check again as they even called me just as I got home to say he was heading up here and all was well at that point, anyhow it turned out he was on another unit and it had just been remodeled so many of the elevators weren't working it took me oh so long to get there, plz forgive me I know its taking me so long but I must exsplain this part or you won't understand much of what is now happening. I get to the unit they said oh dear he is in the very last room down this hall, I remember thinking gosh that nurse looks so familiar, anyhow I got to his room, right away he said honey plz take me home, I said okay let me find out what is going on, he said plz honey I really want to come home, I said just hang in there for a few minutes I just got here and I need to find out just why your here ok. Well in walks that doctor from the night before, right off she says to my husband your mental, you sir are a dying man and refuse to realize it! He looked at her with shock and utter contempt but he didn't say anything, my blood was boiling, she then states she is going to put some kind of a (c) something or other hold on him should he mention leaving again, well then she states he has a fever of 104 plus he has pnemonia, he imediately looks at me and says awww honey I can't go home if I have a fever and I am gonna have to take antibiotics, then she says well perhaps you do have some sense about you afterall so I won't have to put this on right now afterall. Well then she walks out with her head in a huff ( I really have a great deal of contempt for this woman sorry) well a few minutes later the nurse came in, for some reason I honestly don't know why as I had not ever done this before, I said to her so has he been running a fever at all, she looks at me with a kind smile and says no as a matter of a fact I am so pleased with him, during the nite he had a slight fever but nothing real high, I said does he have any signs of pnemonia or anything, again no his x-rays all look real good, so now I am thinking hmm what in blazes is going on here. Than a nurse who has known us both since he was very 1st diagnosed back in 2002, says to me hon you got to get him out of here, I said but I can't that doctor says she will put some kind of a mental hold on him, she really scares me, anyhow he was sceduled to see the physio people the next day so we agreed we would wait and see what they said as he was having abit of problems and he knew I couldn't possibly look after him alone, okay I left as visiting hours were over. The next day they called me and said the dr had asked them to call me as they weren't able to get any answers from him, I asked why and all they said was they didn't know just he wasn't able to answer them, so I told them everything they wanted to know and went up to meet them, I just got there when one of the people came she said to him are you going to go to physio he said no, I said wait a sec, I told him they had phoned me to come and if he was able to do what they needed they were gonna let him come home so up he got and I helped him into his sweats, when we got there they saw I was in tears and having great difficulty they made notes that I had severe trouble walking, I asked why as I wasn't the patient ( i had a good idea but) anyhow they said it made a huge difference in whether he was able to come home, but he walked great for them, got in and out of bed, tub everything, sorry this is so long, well the doc there said I see no reason why he can't go home, oh he was happy to hear that, off we went, and when we got back to the unit both of us were just exausted,we fell asleep waiting for her to come and tell us he could go, in come the nurse who had told me to take him home, now she is a really exsperienced nurse, shetold me I should take him, her exact words were I don't know what kind of a game this doc is playing she was paged 2x's she knows its us and we need her to sign this form, she never replied plus now she is off hospital grounds, we both said we didn't want to do anything wrong she said no not to worry as he had been released by physio, she also told me that she had been giving him only 5mils of his pain meds 2x's a day where at home he took 80mil 2x's a day. Ok, now I am gonna tell you something reallly important, the nite before he had asked me to check with the nurses station before I left to be sure nobody mainly his oncologist had switiched him from a full resutation, incase his heart stopped, he had never asked anything like this before I said ofcourse hon, I did and sure enough he had been switched, she looked at me, and said nope I won't give him cpr, honest her exact words were he is old and he is dying anyhow so why would I as his ribs will crack I'd have to shove a tube down his throat and hook him to a ventilator, she said is that what you want, I said well I would like you to plz come talk with him, she did, he pleaded with her, he told her he was fully aware of what would happen however he wanted to live as long as possible, he especially wanted this Christmas as the past 4yrs each year something had caused us to not be able to have a tree, or turkey etc........so this was so important to him. She asked me to plz stay for abit I did, she came back in assured us both she had fixed everything he had nothing to worry about everything possible would indeed be done for him, he looked so relieved, she told me it was now in his file and we needn't worry.

Ok now part that is so terrifying to me, he was here at home as I told you when this happened, ok he had been doing well except at night, he was afraid of the nights for some reason, I kept telling him he was safe he was now home, I have found out since it was due to the change in his pain med, as this doctor now tells me he was suffering severe withdrawals, well he was fine when the nurse was here Saturday afternoon, infact she tickeled his feet he told her he was gonna put her over his knee and spank her, she lhbo and said now theres my buddy, ok she told me he should be fine, she would be back the next day I said okay thanked her and she left. A few hours passed and all of a sudden he began making odd noises and I could see he was struggling to get up, I tried oh gosh how I tried to help him to no avail, something told me something was real wrong so I called the nurses line, she heard him in the background and told me he was dying, ofcourse she scared the begeepers out of me, I hung up and dialed 911, when they got here they hooked him to oxygen and an iv, the one said I couldn't go due to walker too much trouble, I asked where they were taking him, they said the Foothills, I told him he had always been treated at the Lougheed, anyhow they took him to the Foothills assuring me his file would be transferred, the other fellow asked if I was going, I told him I so wanted to he grabbed my walker and said let's go I'd like you to come, I sat in the back with him even, I talked to him when they allowed he seemed so happy I was there, anyhow we got there for a good 15mins I was still with him,then they said they were taking him back in about 10mins they'd come get me. I am serious it was a good hour, this volounteer came out and wanted to know if I wanted an orange juice, nobody else was asked so I knew something was bad wrong,anyhow finally this grief counselour came and said the doctor wanted to talk with me, he told me he was likely gonna die within the hour, I said what no how, anyhow again with the he is old, I was angry I said he has a form that was just done that assured everything humanly possible would be done he said nope no form anywhere in his file, I said contact the other hospital as almost everyone there knows about it they all know us. He said if that was what I really wanted he would but he couldn't tell me that ICU would agree. I asked if I could see him they said the nurses were busy with him, anyhow I looked down this aisle and just knew it was where he was, there were many nurses all around him, I again had to go out, I waited at least another hour when he came again with the lady, ok he says his blood pressure is real low, his heart rate is real low, its gonna stop within an hour I am sure and I won't give him anything to help him, I said what again same argument, only this time I couldn't change his mind, however I was finally taken to him, as soon as he saw me, he was honey plz come here, where have you been, I said hang on I am coming I couldn't help it, well then this other doctor, a woman comes on, she asks me a couple of questions and she says to the nurses a bunch of things I didn't understand all I know is all of a sudden awhole lot was going on, she said no way was she going to just stand by and watch this man die if she could possibly save him, I burst into tears of sheer joy, I couldn't thank her enough, the entire ER staff was amazing so kind and caring to him,enough so that he took off his mask and told me how sorry he was for keeping me up every night, I told him not to worry about it, he said nope you go home, rest up, then honey come back exact words were and get me the hell out of here. The doc agreed saying I needed my rest too and they would bkeeping a real close watch on him however his signs were much better and if there was any change they would call me, ok I came home and tried to process everything that had happened, it was like a nightmare I couldn't believe this had happened, but now I don't know what to do, everytime I go up they say he won't survive he has the h1n1 strain, oh and btw would you give the vacination to a man you said was going to die in 1hour, he did, now he has it, okay he was here at home never once went out, so how, the only one here was the nurse. My problem is I don't know how to help him, as soon as he realizes I am there he yells at me to hurry, I go in after gown,gloves,mask, visor, anyhow he is tied to the bed, his feet and hands as he keeps trying to take everything off andout he pulled his cathitor so it is just full sheer blood, oh its difficult to see him like that, and I must have talked to 5 different doctors not one is willing to admit the form was in the file, all say he is a dying man and they won't do anything to help him, I said he is a real fighter but I am terriffied, his mother passed away in the room next door, he knows this, he gets so very upset he just keeps asking me to plz get him the h out of there, I can't as he is so ill, however I am barely allowed to see him, if I leave the room while I am there they bitch at me for wasting a gown its unreal, he has never ever said these words and he did, the am after he said honey help me, they are being real mean to me and hurting me, he has this oh my gosh bruise he didn't have before I asked him he said I told you they are being mean to me, I saw them they were so rough, his blood pressure was sky high, he has always done better with me there, I am sure he can't figure out what the heck is going on as they keep telling him how very sick he is yet they won't let me stay with him, I even called the nurse I spoke of fromthe other hospital,she appologized, said how very sorry she was they had no beds, and she said she herself had made sure the form was indeed in the file, how can I get help I have tried the legal team they say if he isn't able right now its no good, nobody will help me, they tell me they'll call each time my phone rings I just anyhow I appologize I know I wrote a book, but they have put him thru so much I feel the least they can do is grant his wish for cpr, last yr they promised him a bonemarrow, gave him too much narcotics, doctor looked at him, after he had gone thru the chemo, toured the place from the radiation to where he would be, all he says oh heck he is too weak, the chemo will kill him its canelled, I tried to tell him it was the narcotics they were giving him, he said nope its not, well it turned out it was by then too late he had cancelled, so in my opo the very least he deserves is his Christmas it means so much, I won't lie I know him so well and love him so much, I am scared out of my mind, he looked so bad yesterday, oh God when I saw his eyes, all glazed over yellow, don't know why and I could tell his nurse was big time lacking in bedside manner, it was so very much trouble if I asked her anything, oh God if I could only get him to the other hospital, but can anyone tell me how or who can help, I am his wife and honest to God they treat me like oh her again, because I asked how come one hospital says its in there, the nurse was even willing to talk to whoever on the phone oh heck no,than they said oh we feel your upsetting him, also wasting too many gowns you'll need to leave, but then they saw my coat, I said I am as I have to help him not hurt him and I know he is upset, he screams at me to get him out of here, I glanced at the nurse and said she knows thats what he wants she heard him,she just put her head down, what can I do, plz we have never ever had any kind of these problems at the other hospital, he was there almost a fulll yr last yr no problems the nurses are all great to him. I am so very scared. Plzz forgive the length of this. I so appreciate any help possible,thank-you and God Bless!

17 years old, cured at the age of 7, still has a problem

communityreply@lls.org — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:16:17 GMT

What type of drugs did they put you on? I know from being in peds myself but a lot older then you when diagnosed, they had to put a lot of kids on growth hormones to help them grow. It has something to do with the chemo that stops the person from growing. See your oncologist they should have checked this a long time ago. You should have been put on growth hormones a long time ago. I hope this helps.

1 year ago......

communityreply@lls.org — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:25:38 GMT

November 7, 2009. One year ago today I sat in the ER at Cardinal Glennon with my just turned 4 year old next to me as a doctor told me worse case it's leukemia.

I took Haidyn in the morning to our pediatrician because she had a cold for 3 weeks with ear infections, complained of stomach and shoulder pains, was tired and very pale. I thought it was just a virus and she was anemic. Our pediatrician sent us to Cardinal Glennon for a chest x-ray that came back great and blood work that wasn't so great. Her white count was in the 90,000s and normal is 5,000-14,500. We were to be admitted and sent to the ER.

My husband Ben was headed over when they gave me the news that it was indeed leukemia. I kept my composure with little tears in my eyes as not to break down in front of Haidyn. I didn't want to tell Ben until he got there or my mom. Tammi, my sister, knew and she told my family. They were all headed down too. Haidyn had her first IV put into her left hand. It rested on a pillow as she called it. Ben was near, so I left Haidyn with ER Nurse Doug, who was awesome, and I went to meet Ben. I walked out of the ER doors as he was walking up and all I could say was "it's worse case". I remember the look on his face and he said "they already know". We hugged and cried and then went back into the ER where our sweet girl was and he grabbed her and held her. I remember this all vividly and now exactly what we were wearing and what kind of day it was. It is forever etched in our head. Haidyn didn't know what was ahead and neither did we. All I knew is that my family fought cancer once and we will surely do it again!

We were taken up to 4North at Cardinal Glennon which was to become our home. So much was thrown at us, I couldn't even rememeber which nurses we were first introduced to. We have since come to know them all very well. Dr. Bhatla, Haidyn's oncology doctor, sat us down to talk to us about options, the type, percentage of survival, what would happen in the next few days. It was scary, not my baby! Papa and Nana arrived soon after. I think Papa was going well over 80. Joe and Tammi (7 months pregnant) were soon behind them. The life specialist hooked Haidyn up with things to do and was great with her.Macie came over to see Haidyn's room and have dinner. Her life was changing now too.

Saturday Haidyn had her first spinal. Joe, my brother-in-law, stood in with her as it was too hard for me and Ben at the time. Now it is just a routine thing. She also had a PICC line placed into her right arm. She was brave.

It was a worldwind time. So much thrown at us. My parents took Macie, our younger daughter, to stay with them at Tammi and Joe's for the week. We knew she'd get the attention that she needed. I took off work for the next 2 months at least. Ben and I stayed together by her side every night for the first week. The next week we tried to get back to a little normal with Ben going back to work and Macie going back to Ms Amy's to be with her friends. Grandpa and Grandma Louden came up to spend this week with us. They relieved me at the hostpial and spent time with Macie giving her the attention she needed. Macie is a Mommy's girl so it was hard for her not to have me. Her and Daddy bonded.

After 25 nights at the hospital we went home December 1st. On that Friday, December 5th, Haidyn had her port put in and that would become her line for all her chemo. At this time we also got the news that she had 0% cancer in her body! Joyous!

Now we are a year later, about 58 nights at the hospital, over 100s of chemos in her body, many spinal taps, so many blood checks, we are here. I worried so much about her hair falling out that first month and it took a while to do. It fell out this past June and is growing back blond again and straight. She's beautiful with or without hair!

Ben took her for her treatment last Friday and her ANC is 3080! That is the highest it has been in a year! She is thriving and doing great!

We are so thankful for our doctors, nurses, friends, family, strangers, jobs, the girls' teachers and school and everyone who has helped us through this past year. It has not been easy but we are at an awesome point now. Today we will celebrate Haidyn's 5th birthday along with her 1 year diagnosis. We have a beautiful day and big girl who is doing so well.

Thank you GOD!

My Life with Leukemia

playagurl418902004@yahoo.com — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:58:23 GMT

yea that's true yea i have a facebook do u have myspace or aim?

Patient to Patient in words and art

communityreply@lls.org — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:13:06 GMT

Roel Wielinga is a graphic artist who is published internationally in the graphic novel and comic field. After 59 years of great health he was diagnosed with AML a month or so ago. As many patients know, there is a great deal of medical information out there on the disease - and very littledetailed patient to patient communication. We have many medical researchers and staffers working with patients who have cancer, but Roel and I saw an immediate need for information and support from those who know best what fears, hopes and issues newly diagnosed patients go through - the patients themselves. As a writer/photographer, I joined forces with Roel to create a photo blog and a journal of his experience. They both present examples of the unique art Roel began to produce as he explored his feelings. We hope the words and pictures will provide insights and support for other sufferers. The photos and journal can be found at these URLs:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/marknewell/

http://www.roels-story.com

We hope the contents will help, inform and inspire. This is ongoing project so lease feel free to comment and suggest. We are particularly interested in hearing what specific issues with AML other patients would like to see written about and photographed. Future segments will cover lab work and researcher interviews, as well as documenting Roel's experience.

Pet Scans and neupogen results

communityreply@lls.org — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 02:42:39 GMT

http://listserv.acor.org/SCRIPTS/WA-ACOR.EXE?A2=ind0910&L=hodgkins&D=1&O=D&F=P&S=&X=65E4FF37B210635C0F&Y=fmoffilmland@gmail.com&P=3711

My life w/ Leukemia

playagurl418902004@yahoo.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 18:31:06 GMT

My name is Norma I am 19 yrs old i'm in my 2nd stage i started a week ago i go 2 my treatments 4 times a week i use 2 go once a week. I didn't understand why this had happen 2 me but i'm gettin though it.My Leukemia has to do w/ white blood cells. When I go outside I have to wear a mask b/c if someone is sick I could get what they have and go back to the hospital and trust being in the hospitla Sucked really bad. B/c I was in ICU for a week then i was in a normal room. The food it was good I order what I wanted but nothing is better then Home Cook Meals. The 1st night I was in the other hospital my older brother brought me Snoic I ate that hambuger like i never ate a hambuger before. But I really miss is work and school, I mean I was starting my Freshmen year of College and wanted to do what other college things. The doctor says that my treatment will take 4 2 and half yrs. Atleast I have freinds and family that are helping get though this b/c w/o them I don't know where i would be having this love and support that I do. i like this hospial b/c when i get my bone marrow and spinal tabs I am alseep but in the other hospital i was in I was awake and it hurt i was screaming @ the top of my lungs I scream so loud that I nurse though I feel off the bed I was still in ICU when the doctor was doin they bone marrow i had to stay still 4 an hour.

My road from chemo to alternative: Non Hodgkins

communityreply@lls.org — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 13:38:28 GMT

Thank you for sharing this. You are right, it's a crazy jungle of alternatives, but I wouldn't necessarily assume that since the Rife machine works there aren't other alternatives that also work. I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that there are almost as many alternative cures as there could be particular causes of and triggers for cancer.

Probably, one of the biggest drawbacks to standard medical care is the one size fits all approach, based soley on PROFITABILITY. There is too much conflict of interest in the FDA.

I will look this one up now too.

Heather

My search for Cause & Cure

communityreply@lls.org — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 13:16:15 GMT

I'm newly diagnosed with stage 3 Follicular B cell NHL. It's only been about a month, yet in a way it feels like forever. I never enjoyed one moment of denial, past the point where I decided to have my suddenly swollen neck looked at. I allowed myself to rationalize it could be my thyroid, but I suspected it was lymphoma imediately, when I'm honest with myself about it.

This past year has been extremely difficult emotionally and even those stresses had been building and multiplying for so long, that my cancer seems inevitable, even logical, in retrospect. That's not to say my "case" doesn't seem particularly ironic, because it does! I'm young, at 54 and have always lead a healthy, natural lifestyle, with youthful energy and appearance, until the last 5 years, when circumstances and I do mean everything, really began to take a more noticible toll.

My husband and I lost the 5 year old grandson we had raised since birth last October 13th. My oncologist thinks I had probably been dealing with undetected indolent lymphoma for a "long time". But I know I just couldn't afford to get sick while being the 24/7 caregiver for my beloved, medically fragile boy. When he suddenly died, without any warning, I was so shocked and wounded with heavy grief that my immune system finally lost it's precarious balance and the lymphoma turned aggressive. There is no doubt that a large part of myself seemed to die with my little boy. No matter how improved my emotional state became, over the months since his passing, the initial, intense pain with it's undeniable, accompanying, death wishes, was plenty sufficient to accelerate any slow growing cancer lurking inside me.

That is the most condensed description of the cause, that I can come up with. I've never smoked or done any particularly hazardous work. I've been health conscious and eaten a mostly vegetarian diet, since I was 16. I've exercised and stayed slim and taken only the best supplements and always been way ahead of the curve with applying nutritional information about fresh, organic, whole and natural foods. Of course, I'm even more careful now and hoping to fight this cancer with natural alternatives.

Ironically, my most nagging emotional issues now, mainly stem from my holistic beliefs and my distrust of WHO, AMA, FDA and Big Pharma.

My husband, of almost 29 years, is on the same page and supportive of my decision to turn down chemo, although some of my family and friends have not been so convinced.

I am scheduled to undergo immuno-therapy with the mono-clonal Rituxan alone, instead, together with everything alternative and complimentary that I discern to be most synergistically important. It's a huge undertaking, but I want to take responsibility for my own health and healing. I never was the type to blindly trust any so called authority and the longer I live the more reasons I discover not to!

So, I'm seeking support and information about ALTERNATIVES!

Thanks

Heather

The Life I Was Supposed To Have

communityreply@lls.org — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 02:25:56 GMT

My name is Jewell Ridley and I am a 25 year survivor of leukemia (ALL). I was diagnosed in October 1984 at Cincinnati Children's Hospital. I was 17 years old and had just begun my senior year of high school. As I browse through some of these stories, I realized how truly blessed I am. By God's grace, I barely remember anything about my treatments and the doctors and nurses basically kept me in the dark about everything. My entire treatment lasted 30 months (October 1984 - February 1987) which included chemo and radiation to my brain. Throughout my treatment, I have never relapsed. I haven't seen an oncologist since 1988 - the last year the Cincinnati Bengals were in the Superbowl! I have had some setbacks during my treatments (shingles, pneumonia) and long-term side effects (total knee replacement, diabetes, hysterectomy) but overall, I have a great life. My son graduated this June from high school and I was there to cheer him on.

This past summer I wrote and published a photp book of poetry which chronicles my 25-year survival and paid tribute to my family and friends. I have also turned some of my poetry into inspirational greeting cards to give to friends and family. I hope to join my local Team and Training group this year and complete the 2010 Flying Pig half-marathon with some of my classmates from 1985. Before this year is done, I plan on turning my poetry into short stories about 'The Life I Was Supposed To Have' which is what my life has become. In the beginning, I had so many regrets and second-guessing about my purpose in this world, not certain that I should have gone through the chemo/radiation treatments in the first place. Now I realize my journey has purpose and reason. I wouldn't be who I am if I had not gone through this illness and survived it. I wrote a poem titled 'God's Hand' which describes my first year of diagnosis and treatment. My boyfriend broke up with me at that time and I felt alone and confused. Time and perspective changes everything and I am grateful to God for giving me both.

http://stores.lulu.com/jewellridley

God's Hand

Everything was perfect, I only saw me with you

But a storm was soon coming, the magnitude of which we had no clue

I have known you since I was girl, starting to come into my own

I have known you since you were a boy, now your tall dark and strong

I thought nothing could come between us, we breathed the same air

You had my back like no other, no matter what you were always there

Every day that summer, my body slowly fell apart

Constant pain, constant tension, no explanations, no where to start

I was living in a fog of pills, pain, and prayer

No matter how many times I called, you seem to have no time to share

My weight reverted to double digits, I looked like the walking dead

My best friend came to see me, She left with fear and dread

I only found release with scalding hot water inside a tub

The pain was so incredible, couldn't even stand a hug

But nothing could compare to the pained expression on your face

When someone finally figured out what was going on with my case

The gossip mill at school said I was starving myself over you

They sent me to a therapist to see if it was true

I always knew I was dying right before everyone's eyes

But no one in my life could help me, I was certain of my demise

Because they thought that I was pregnant carrying your seed

They finally did a blood test unsure of what the results would be

Hallelujah, I have leukemia! I can put a name to this pain.

Thank God I have leukemia; Thank God I am NOT insane.

Everyone else was shell-shocked but I was happy as I could be

Although my body had failed me, my mind was still and always with me.

I knew I wasn't crazy, I knew this pain was real.

God gave me a new day, Now my body could start to heal.

I never knew the day you left me, The day you walked out that door.

Would be the last day that I knew you like you were before.

This storm cast a shadow between us, destroying everything we had

Who knew anything could come between us, I thought nothing would get that bad

You left me with a gift that I carry to this day

You taught me how to fight and let nothing stand in my way

You made me a warrior princess- delicate, powerful and strong

You taught me to prepare for any situation that could possibly go wrong

I learned so much from you, you were always my best friend

You were also my big brother, closer to me than any kin

As I continue to come into my own, I have become painfully aware

That in deed you owed me nothing, not even your time to share

This was my fight from the beginning; This fight was always in God's plan

No touch from any man could heal me, Only the touch of God's hand.